Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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