There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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