Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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