Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I cut my penus on the lid.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
worst night to have a conscience
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
