we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
