nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
