He asked to "fluff my boner.."
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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