So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Are we still banned from the library?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
