hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
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