So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
