i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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