i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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