the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
