You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
