i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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