Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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