I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
