these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
