Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
