So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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