I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
