you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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