On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize