And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
