GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize