Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
