I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
