Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
We need to get me chipped asap
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
