Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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