Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
meet me or not, i'm out of control
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize