i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
