my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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