so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
