I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
