i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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