I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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