you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
