I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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