You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
