summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
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