i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
