I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
