The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
