Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
