I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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