I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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