I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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