I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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