Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
