Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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