My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
