After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
