Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
We need to get me chipped asap
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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