He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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