no, he came in my armpit
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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