I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
