So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
