could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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