Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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