I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
