i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
