I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
