i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
