God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
