I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
