do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
