Can Purell be used as lube?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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