Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
