so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
