it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
