The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
