where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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