We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
